Holiday Travel Day 1

My 700 mile drive to Pennsylvania has become a great deal more exciting this year with a trunk full of microbrew beer purchased for my father and temperatures below zero. I have to check it constantly to be sure that the bottles have not exploded. So far I've only lost a growler (64 fl. oz.) of hard root beer. Luckily, it only "exploded" a little, and I cleaned up the "ice" with no problem. I hope I don't have to explain to any police officers that my containers were not opened by me, but by nature. And I'm sure the front desk at the hotel isn't wondering what I'm doing with 3 cases of beer in my room. Ah, Cleveland.

Snow Day!

On Friday, school was canceled and my Christmas holiday began one day earlier than expected. Some of the younger teachers were planning on going out after school, but the snow storm threw off our plans. I was determined, and so was Erick, (who learned my first name this week so that we would not have the awkward situation of him calling me Mr. C. at the bar). Mario also came out with us - he's not a teacher, he just likes to drink beer.

When I was getting ready for the evening, I contemplated wearing dancing-friendly attire, but then figured that I would probably not end up dancing if I were hanging out with two dudes, especially if the three of us did not know each other very well. I was wrong. I was very wrong.

The night started at Nessun Dorma, where noone sleeps. I like Nessun Dorma; it's laid back, the staff is friendly, and the beer selection is extensive. Our bartender was cute and several times I caught her smiling at our conversations, on which she was eavesdropping.

We left ND at about midnight and worked our way to another Riverwest establishment, the Riverhorse ("hippopotamus" in Ancient Greek). I usually like the Riverhorse but on Friday night we stuck out like nerds at a punk bar. This was probably because we were nerds at a punk bar. So, I did what made sense and pulled out my new camera to take pictures. Actually I only took one picture. This picture:
I think it captures the mood of the night pretty well. We only lasted for one drink at the Riverhorse - definitely enough time for me to make two comments about translations of bar names in foreign languages.

I'm not sure who suggested Mad Planet, but it's always a good suggestion. MP is only open on weekends and every Friday is 80s Night. Mad Planet is the type of place where anything goes. It has all types of people and outfits range from bridesmaid's dresses to flannel (and flannel bridesmaid's dresses). So, my snowboots were just fine. I don't remember what songs were played (definitely no MJ, Madonna, nor JBJ) but I spent a good amount of time on the dance floor. I now realize that I do not have any bloggable stories from MP, which is too bad because the place has so much potential.

This was a great way to begin my holiday break. I hope it's just a preview of what's to come: good food, good drinks, good friends.

Secret Santa

Did I tell you that my Secret Santa at work left me a thong? It's a tuxedo thong so it has a little bow tie on the front and tails in the back. Most of the staff knows about this even though our gift exchange is limited to the math department.

Today "Santa" left me some novelty condoms. Do you know what Santa leaves for the other teachers? Julie received a candle. Charles got some mixed nuts and candy. Dave received a gift card to a coffee shop. I got novelty condoms and a thong. My fear is that when I finally bring this stuff home, I'm going to die in a car crash and there will be reports of the teacher with the strange fetishes.

Staff Christmas Party

Karaoke Machine + a bartender giving me cheap drinks = a lasting impression on my coworkers

I sang the following songs over the course of the night:

Minnie the Moocher
Sweet Caroline (with the math department)
Short Skirt, Long Jacket
Lollipop by Lil' Wayne (duet with Wendy, the office lady)
Lola
Paradise by the Dashboard Light (duet with Steve)
Midnight Train to Georgia (as a Pip!)
Fat Bottomed Girls
Dancing Queen (with the English department)
Seasons of Love (yeah, numbers!)

Teaching

I had two conversations with two different classes yesterday regarding the number of states in the Union. More than one of my students thinks that there are 52 states in the country! And I'm still not sure if they believe me and the rest of the class.

Workplace hazards

We had 2 fights in the math corridor yesterday. I witnessed a kid with blood gushing out of his mouth. Because he was yelling so much (profanity and threats at the other student) he ended up spitting blood in the face of another teacher. Now this teacher has to for testing to make sure he hasn't contracted any diseases. Another teacher still gets tested every 6 months for AIDS after being bitten by a student last year.

Today there was a mob of students milling about the hallway during 3rd period. I tried to break them up with an English teacher and the students laughed at us. Where was security? Where were the cops? Where was administration?

During our staff meeting this morning, I received no reassurance from the principal. He's in over his head. And I'm looking for another school at which to teach.

Here we come

I have been thinking a great deal about my last post since I went to church on Sunday. The liturgy and pastor's sermon seemed to go well with my cola and whiskey musings. This week's liturgy was the Mark passage where John the Baptist talks about Jesus by saying that he (John) is only preparing the way for One greater than he. The pastor's sermon then went on to say that Jesus made remarks that He was preparing the way for those who would do even greater things - meaning us.

During the sermon, all of the biblical talk was then tied to the history of our congregation because Sunday was the annual meeting for our local church, during which we analyze the prior year and plan for the upcoming. We're going through some tough financial straits, but due to our hard work, we're turning things around. Luckily our predecessors planned for lean times like these, and hopefully the present congregants will continue to look forward as they deal with today's issues. The minister made a comment that I think is important for all of us to remember, especially those of us that are relatively young. She said, "Some day the youngest person in the room may be the oldest person in the room." As a teacher, that summed up what keeps me going every day. We have to prepare the way for the people that will one day lead our society. We have to teach. We have to guide. We have to clean up our messes. And we have to prepare.

We have to be the whiskey that makes the skunky beer go down a little easier later on in the night.

Thinking

I don't know why I waste my time on beer. Whiskey is so much more effective. I'm drinking it now just to help the soda go down.

Purchases

I bought my first candle this week. It was $20 on sale. I don't know why, but I feel as if my life is different now. I had similar feeling when I bought my first 3-hole punch. It seems like a rite of passage - I'm one more step into adulthood. Christie, stop reading now. I accidentally left it burning while I was out this weekend - for 5 hours.

I also bought a vest. It looks good, but it does not look like something I would wear. Christie supported the purchase, but only because she's a good friend. She thinks wearing a vest is weird. Could this be some strange quarter-life crisis? When/if I buy a camera (my 4th for the year) I'll post a picture of my new vest, with a candle burning in the background.

Dan Goldin Day

We had 14 people at the brewery to celebrate Dan Goldin Day this year. And some of them didn't even know they were out for the holiday until they arrived and I told them. I had not wanted them to feel any pressure to buy gifts or get dressed up special. A good time was had by all - or so I was told. The highlight of my evening was certainly dancing to Billy Ocean's "Get out of my Dreams". My new friends were mega-impressed when I called a Journey song seconds before it played. "Just another Dan Goldin Day miracle," I explained to them. Mario told me later this weekend that Hall & Oates and Billy Ocean had not had such large roles in his life until he started hanging out with me and Jon. This was before he heard Christie and me sing "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" at the pizza place on Saturday afternoon.

On-the-job Training

Blogger is in Japanese! So is google! What is wrong with my computer? I had to guess at what links would bring me to this page. At least when my computer is in Spanish I can make reasonable guesses as to what words mean.

Anyway, I wanted to write about a student today, who showed me a little bit of the ashes of his dead mother. She died earlier this year. The ashes were in a little gold cross that he wore around his neck. It was sad and I didn't know what to say. I asked him where his family keeps the urn. They don't teach you things like this in education classes.

Class

The textbook mentions Macbeth because they assume that all high school students would be familiar with Shakespeare's greatest plays.

Me: Does anyone know what Macbeth is?
12th grade student: Yeah, I do. He's a crime-fighting dog.
Me: Ummm...You're thinking of McGruff.

Also, this was one of my best students. He's at least making associations with the words I use in class.

Sprecken the Deutsch?

Great, now everything is in Dutch on my computer. The extent of my Dutch is houseboatmuseum, which, believe it or not, translates to "houseboat museum."

Espanol

Why is my home page now in Spanish? I don't want to use la google for my internet searches. How did my computer become bilingual overnight?

Full Saturday

On Saturday morning I ran 15 kilometers with Jon and Mario. Actually, I only ran with Mario - Jon left us in his dust. I finished in 1 hour 29 minutes - a new world record! And by "world" I mean within my house. My eight remaining toe nails are still connected to my feet and I have no blisters. Unfortunately though, I cannot lift my legs to go up stairs. I should have stretched more and sat in the ice bath longer. I also wish I had known that there would be unlimited free beer after the race. I would not have driven to the race.

Saturday evening I went to an indoor soccer game in which Jon and several of our other friends played. They easily lost, but I missed the end because I ended up going to the Emergency Room with Adrienne and Tad, her boyfriend who was kicked in the knee within 8 seconds of running onto the "field". His knee cap ended up being a few inches from where it should have been. He was able to leave the hospital on crutches but not after we spent a few hours there. I haven't been to the ER since I lived in the same city as Jackie. She made every holiday exciting.

Grandpa

My grandfather died last Friday and I made a sudden trip to Pennsylvania over the weekend. Despite the reasons for the trip, I greatly enjoyed the time with my family. It was four days spent laughing and crying - but mostly laughing. Grandpa was a great man who taught his family by example. He was stern, but as he got older he mellowed out and I always looked forward to my visits with him over the holidays. He told decent jokes that were always (usually) clean.

Some of my fond memories of him include when we left him at the restaurant after celebrating his birthday. He paid for the meal. And as he was taking care of the bill, we got into our cars and left. Because people had switched cars, no one realized that he was not in any of the cars until we were back at his house.

This is also the grandfather for whom I made jello shots on his 80th birthday.

The following video is him singing around the camp fire at a family party. I have been singing this song to myself all week

And Then I Saw My Boss Naked

I had a rough Tuesday.

5:30 - Woke up, got outta bed

7:00 - Arrived at school for grading

7:30 - Staff meeting. Watched a video about generic drugs. Sat through lecture from principal about being on time. Reminded that Open House was that evening from 5 to 7.

8:30 - Students begin to trickle into classes because there is still no tardy policy!

9:30 - 3:40 - "taught" classes. By "taught" I mean that I presented information to scores of people although their reception was limited. Put up with "Bum Day" the second day of the Spirit Week from hell. How does smearing white powder under your nose as if it were coke qualify as spirit-building?

4:00 - Dinner with the new teacher because he's on the edge. I don't know if it's the edge of quitting or going postal, but it's the edge of something. Listened to his struggles.

5:00 - 7:00 - Open House. No administration was in the building to give us direction but I was able to get some work done.

7:30 - Swam a mile at the gym

8:20 - Showered

8:22 - Went to the locker room. Saw my principal wearing only his glasses. Because I wasn't wearing my glasses I did not recognize him until I was about a meter away. I struggled through an awkward "Hey, how are you?" and wondered whether I should call him "Mr. _______" or by his first name, which I have never actually done. It just doesn't seem right to address someone formally when they are wearing the most informal of outfits.

8:26 - Drove home

8:45 - Arrived home

8:46 - Began my whiskey-tastic evening

Kickball Injuries

Last week I made a great play in kickball. I slid into home plate during the last play of the game. It would have been very dramatic if I hadn't been out at 2nd, and 3rd. I was the last out of the game, we were down by 14 points, and I thought to myself, "Who cares about rules - I'm just gonna keep on running until they stop me." And nobody did. So, I kept running. And to end the inning on a ridiculous note, I decided to slide into home. However, I don't know how to slide, so it was more like falling with gusto. My team loved it. Unfortunately I cut up my knee and I was bleeding for the rest of the night. The blood would not have been such a big deal except I was going to a party afterwards, at which I only knew a few people. I made a great first impression with my blood running down my leg and dirt spots all over my clothes. It didn't help that everyone else was dressed up as if they were headed to the symphony. I stuck out like a sore thumb - or a nailless toe, which I currently have two of. But that's a different story.

This week at kickball I was pelted in the face with the kickball. I know it's just a kickball, but John throws hard and I did nothing to remove myself from the missile's path, which would have ended at the opponent and resulted in the inning's last out. Unfortunately, my face was in the way and I was left dazed and confused. Seriously, my face was tingly for the next 3 innings and I'm sure it was not due to all of the candy corn consumed in the first inning.

I'm preemptively placing myself on the DL for next week's game.

Burgled

I was robbed again. My computer and camera were taken. I am blogging from the library again. Slowly I am meeting every officer in the police department. I still have my West Wing and Lord of the Rings boxed sets of DVDs.

Rainy Sunday

I am always surprised by how a worship service can improve my feelings. My church is pretty cool, but in an awkward kind of way. The people are strange, but they do not care. They keep pushing forward, going about their business with no shame, doing the best they can with what they have.

I arrived at church feeling pretty down. As I said in my earlier post, I was hit with loneliness after my party and it lingered to the morning. But then as I talked to the other congregants or heard their stories, I began to feel better. And it is not because I realized how much "easier" my life is, or because I compared my troubles to theirs. But instead, I felt better because I realized that we are all struggling with something. I am not the only one. During the prayers of the people, the woman next to me lifted up a prayer of thanksgiving for the months that she has been sober. The elderly woman in front of me shared her concerns for her husband and his failing health. Darlington talked about improved political changes in Zimbabwe, his home country. I was reminded that we are doing the best we can with what we have. And for many of us, what we have is each other.
The service is very casual. Although we have an order of service, there are often mistakes, and the congregation is sometimes unaware of what they "should" be doing. You may be thinking that my complaining about sitting vs. standing or reading the wrong scripture is petty, but errors detract from a well-planned service. They distract us from the important parts because we think about procedures.

Parties

Have you read Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf? As The Hours says it really is about a woman having a party, but it is so much more. Today I threw a party and I could not help but think about Mrs. Dalloway (or Clarissa) and what happens to her in the book. It is not a very exciting book because it is mundane. However, because so much of it resembles my thoughts and feelings I found the book to be enthralling.

I wondered why I threw the party today. Did I simply want to see my friends in one place? Did I want my friends to have a chance to spend some time together? Did I want to prove that I have friends? Or could I also have wanted to give an opportunity for my friends to meet each other? I am not entirely sure of what my answer is. I know that I like all of my friends. I like their attitudes and thoughts. I want to know how they think, and I appreciate every chance I have to spend with them. But given my anxiety as various people showed up today, I wonder how much I wanted them to like each other.

And, although I do not normally reveal my feelings on this blog, I was struck by how I felt as the remainder of my party left tonight. I wanted them to stay. I felt lonely and I just wanted them in my house longer. I know that there are various dynamics in my circle of friends that complicate these feelings, but I wanted more time with other people. I spent all day cleaning and cooking and waiting for others. I wanted more time with them. And I write this because it reminds me further of Mrs. Dalloway, who even though was surrounded by others, still felt lonely. I feel lonely, although I am surrounded by good friends, and I do not know how to break out of the feeling. Perhaps I just have to wait for it to pass.

5 Years in Wisconsin

and I have 7 different cheeses in my refrigerator. Asiago, Gouda, American, cheddar, mozzarella, feta, and cream.

Third Time...

I had 3 interactions with the Milwaukee Police Department this week. The first 2 were related. I witnessed a hit-and-run and gave a statement twice. Way to be efficient, MPD.

The third interaction occurred an hour ago as I was walking through an alley in my neighborhood. An unmarked car pulled up beside me, and the officer in the driver seat began a conversation with me as she was getting out of the car. She asked questions about how I was doing, but before I knew it my hands were in the air and I was being frisked. As I think back to the situation, I don't even know what I was saying. I know she was asking questions and I was answering them. Thank goodness I remember where I live and my phone number. Although I messed up my number the first time she asked. I did feel a little embarrassed when she asked why I was walking through the alley instead of on the street. I had noticed some houses for sale and I was checking them out. I wanted to compare the prices and see if the neighborhood was increasing or decreasing in value. Of course, crime waves tend to turn house values down. I showed the cops my list of houses that I was checking out. Then I realized that this could look as if I were casing the joints.

Luckily the cops believed my story. Actually I think the one recognized me from my break-in last May. I was sure to bring that up so that she would know that I am a victim, not a perp. As they pulled away and my adrenaline subsided I became very frightened. A friend of mine was mugged the last night at gunpoint, and apparently there was someone to be feared walking the streets in my general area.

I continued on my walk and I think the houses are overpriced. They are not nearly as good as my house. And that's with the broken water heater. Cold showers are good for me.

First Day, Second Year

I had a pretty good first day of school today. As long as the guidance department does not mess with my classes, I think I could really enjoy the students that are currently there. Although they may be crass, many seem to be serious students. Of course, "serious" in the context of my school.

The freshmen were particularly interesting today. I have the freshmen (all 15 of them) who are on track for AP calculus in their senior year. They asked such good questions and they sounded somewhat scared. Of course, one boy told us that the best part of his summer vacation was the restraining order that was finally enacted on his father. No training will ever prepare teachers for the things that students will say.

I had several students make remarks on my reputation. "Are you really as mean as they say?" "But I hear that you never get mad?" "Your classes are hard, right?" I like my reputation. Maybe it has a tinge of respect. I hope it has bought me some street cred.

Canny

Emily and I canned tomatoes today. And by "today" I mean for 9 hours. We probably produced about 10 quarts of tomatoes and some juice. We spent $46, which includes jars that will be reused next year. However, in the end, each quart cost about $4.60 and took 54 minutes to create. Emily said, "I appreciate canned food now."

August

August has been a busy month for me...and my big toe. I think an appropriate way to tell my story of August would be through the point of view of my big toe.

Day 1: Finally wearing shoes on a regular basis. The weird tan line from the sandals is a little embarrassing. It is nice to see that Donny at least has a two week job at the YMCA teaching a math enrichment class.

Day 4: Gained several blisters during a 10 mile run. Sure he may have reached his goal of a time less than 1 hour 40 minutes, but was it worth the pain?


Day 5: Blisters seem to be growing. I think my nail is coming off.

Day 6: Nail is definitely changing colors. Oh it hurts. Still working though so I spend my days in a shoe.

Day 7: OMG, he's running again!

Day 8: Last day of work for the summer. Spent all night dancing at Jake and Katie's wedding. Motown favorites, MJ; this guy never sits down! Those black shoes from high school still look good. I wish

Day 10: Large nail definitely falling off. Donny's cousin and her fiance show up for the week. Looks like there will be plenty of walking.


Day 13: Saw my third brewery tour in as many days. I can't believe they let me in here in my open-toe shoes. Also, visited the zoo and filled the bar on bluegrass night.

Day 15: Mom and Dad come to visit. Continue to walk around the city and site-see. Mom suggests that my nail be polished a natural color.

Day 19: Attacked by a cicada as big as myself!


Day 20: Return to yoga and hope that nobody notices the state of me or my 9 brethren. Realize that everyone else is sweating too much to look at their neighbor's feet.

Day 21 - 24: Camping in the UP! Some hiking in shoes but often in sandals too. Get stubbed on a bed post on way the bathroom one night. Ouch.

Day 25: Step a bee and get stung. Life's not fair! I wish I were in a shoe and at work.

Day 26: Bought new running shoes. Nice, new running shoes. Expensive new running shoes. Maybe this will prevent blisters and loss of toe nails.

Day 27: Tomorrow school begins again. Life will return to the shoe. Tonight spent playing kickball and listening to bluegrass music. Life is good as a toe.

Wheel

I think I sprained my neck at yoga today. I probably should not have been in class though given that my feet have ugly blisters on them from my run this weekend. But my muscles are not sore and I assumed that as long as I did not do anything on my toes, I would feel find. That was correct until I tried to get beyond my 5-point wheel stance. You know, when you try to lift your head off the ground. My head did not leave the ground. It just went sideways and stretched my neck in a new direction. I put ice on it, but I have no idea if that's better or worse.

Have you seen the fainting goats on YouTube? I refuse to get a dog, but my heart has sort of turned for the fainting goats.

Derby

I had a big weekend. It began with a public showing of The Wizard of Oz, which I haven't seen since I was a little kid. I could never get past the flying monkeys so this may have been the first time I watched the entire movie. I didn't remember it being so funny. For example, the Cowardly Lion, when turned away by the Wizard's doorman, complains that he just had a permanent in his mane. That's funny.

On Sunday, I ran a 10 mile race. It's certainly the farthest I have ever run. And I did it in 1 hour and 34 minutes, which is 6 minutes less than my goal of running 10-minute miles. I'm pretty happy with myself, though my blistered feet could be in better shape. I'm now going to try to do a similar race over Labor Day weekend.

In between the Wizard and the running, I went to a Demolition Derby on Saturday at a county fair. It was great and worth every penny of the admission price. However, I have to confess that I left a little early. Who knew that watching cars and trucks (and busses!) smash into each other for 2+ hours would become repetitive? I have uploaded some pictures below because my
descriptions could never do the "demo" justice.

Sarah, Chris, Emily, Trevor, Christie, and Amanda anxiously await the first heat - 4X4 Trucks.

The vehicles would line up at the beginning of each heat to receive a blessing from the Emperor before they would fight to their deaths.

Tires popped. Cars caught on fire.

Shafts cracked and broke. Engines smoked.

Like the Highlander, only one vehicle would remain at the end of the heat. The rest were dragged from the arena.

Christie reacts to the carnage.

And then the busses arrived!

They were fun to watch for a while, but then eventually it was like watching old men beat each other up. The busses would limp across the arena on less than 4 wheels only to dent the others.

Small World

Tonight I ran the Festa Italiana's 5K Fun Run with Mick. This was my 4th Fun Run for the season, but the 1st that did not involve free beer at some point during the run. The number of participants is drastically lower than for the other 3 races. Coincidence?

While waiting for the race to start I saw a guy that reminded me of the other bass player from BU's all campus orchestra. I stared at him for quite a while to determine if it was him. It would be too strange for him to be in Milwaukee so decided that it could not be him. Well, then when we lined up to begin the race I was much closer to the guy and was quite certain it was him. I started talking to him and I think we were both surprised that the other ended up in Milwaukee. He's here for law school, but has found a job in the city too. We talked briefly after the race, but I didn't know what to say. We weren't good friends in college. We just shared the blaim when the bass section led the entire orchestra astray. But I found him on facebook, so perhaps we will hang out sometime. Perhaps I should introduce him the Bluegrass Night.

Break the fast

I hit a milestone in my life today. I was drinking before 8 am. Whiskey. And it's Thursday. But there's a story behind this. You see, last night was Bluegrass Night, as every Wednesday is. We were listening to Chad Witty and friends play "Whiskey Before Breakfast", which you can watch below on YouTube.



Christie and Amanda were already planning to have breakfast before they went to work. It only took a little leap of logic to realize that pancakes will taste better with whiskey. Breakfast was good. We ate on the balcony and watched the neighbors wake up. It was a great way to start the day. But I don't think it'll be an everyday occurrence.

Refrigerator Raider

My refrigerator is broken, so Christie took all of my dairy items and I am drinking all of the beer.

My Independence

I think the greatest symbol of my independence during my week at home occurred on the Fourth when I smoked a cigarette in front of my mother. We were at the family's lake cottage and Mom's sisters decided that they needed a smoke break. They invited their oldest nephew to join them for his company.

I want you to picture this: My mom, her two sisters, and me in the middle of a dirt road, 50 feet from the cottage's property. We made sure that there were plenty of trees and bushes between us and the house so that husbands and children would not see us. I had a cigarette in one hand and a high-ball glass (a Manhattan made by 89 year-old Uncle Harry) in the other. The look on my mother's face said, "But you were an honor roll student."

IOWA

When Wisconsinites vacation, they go to Iowa. This weekend, Amanda brought Christie, Jon, and me to her hometown of Maquoketa, IA. As Jon said on the way home, Iowa exceeded expectations. We had a good time. I don't have a camera, but I'll steal some pictures from my friends to give more detail to the highlights of the trip.

Catfish fry - I ate 3 fish. I know how much I ate because the meat was still on the bone. We also drank Bud from a can.

Two fires in the backyard.

Flapjacks Restaurant - We learned that IHOP is not in Canada. Apparently the "I" means nothing. Christie looked around at the other patrons of Flapjacks and realized her future.

The Caves - Only pictures will express how cool these were.

The Field of Dreams - Only pictures will express how much it looks like a baseball diamond in a cornfield.

Popsicle Stick - Amanda had one stuck on her car roof for the entire trip. Many conversations were held regarding the popsicle stick.

Drive-in Movie - We arrived 2 hours early to get a good spot only to find that the movies being shown were Don't Mess with the Zohan and Made of Honor. Lucky for us we had whiskey, beef jerky, popcorn, beer, strawberries, and junior mints to pass the time. I fell asleep for most of Zohan and we left after 15 minutes of MoH.

Who needs a television?

When the Hollywood writers were on strike they must have spent some time writing storylines for my life, because I swear I'm living a TV show.

First of all, my job is like an after-school TV special. High school kids are naturally drama magnets. I had some funny stories for you, but they were all trumped by the sober news that the school staff received on Monday, our last day before summer vacation. Over the weekend, one of our freshmen, a sophomore this fall was killed. It involved a gun and a fight. It made me think of those kids that stopped coming to school for the last weeks of the semester. Where did they end up? Especially Nicole. Her grades were getting so much better and then she stopped attending class. Where is she?

My social life is an episode of Friends. Like one of the season finales. It's awful. I can give you details off-line.

My household reminds me of a Looney Tunes cartoon. I have a mouse in my kitchen, named Floyd. (Stupid dangling participle - the mouse is named Floyd, not the kitchen.) Floyd taunts me. He runs out into the middle of the room when I'm there. He doesn't hide. He feigns fear. I set a trap for him, but it never springs. I set it out. I go for a run. I return in an hour. The peanut butter is gone, but the trap is still set. I have done this three times, and yet Floyd still runs amok like a roadrunner. Perhaps I need a bigger anvil.

Bring on Summer

Student 1: Are you mixed?
Me: Uh?
Student 1: Like are you just white? Or are you, like, Puerto Rican too?
Me: Well, some of my family is from Russia, Italy, and Germany. Maybe Welsh too.
Student 2: Yeah, he's just white.
Me: Are you just black? Do you know where your family's from?
Student 1: Some of my family is from Mississippi.
Student 2: That's the United States too.

Happy Father's Day

Some of the advice/wisdom that has been passed to me from my father:

• Never pass on the right.
• Sit up straight with your shoulders back.
• When your church asks you for help, give it. They'll be there for you when you ask for help.
• Restrooms are always near the bar.
• If your grandparents give you something, say "Thank you" and take it. We can throw it out when we get home.
• Use sun block on your bald head.
• Or wear a hat.
• Only you can make yourself happy.

Thanks, Dad.

Memorial Day - Riverwest Style

I had a nice Memorial Day. It was quiet, but here are some highlights. Sunburn. Mosquito bites and yard work. A swim. A bike ride. Finished a great book - City of Thieves - read it! A water ski show. But then, you know how my day ended? A mayonnaise eating contest!

I simply wanted to buy some organic, locally grown spinach from my co-op. However, when I saw the contest being held outside, I had to stay and watch. The two guys split a jar of mayonnaise - actually it was Vegannaise, which I am not sure if that increases or decreases the gross factor of the contest. The guys were on their 28th spoonful when I arrived. They would only need 2 more each to finish the jar. It was strange to watch, but I felt that I had to stay because I really don't feel as if I'm a part of the neighborhood yet. I recognize people and they probably recognize me too. So, I took my first step today to get to know my neighbors. I cheered them on as they ate vegannaise by the spoonful.

Happy Memorial Day.

Grief?

Last Monday, someone broke into my house. The thief stole my computer, my digital camera, some cash, and my DVDs. I now realize that he (or she!) also took some of my security. The lost computer is not such a big deal because of the money, but because of all of the information stored on it - especially the pictures. And all of the ridiculous items I have been producing so that I can finally finish my licensing to become a teacher. Back to the drawing board, I suppose.

Anyway, today I was thinking about the DVDs that were taken. Only my West Wing and Lord of the Rings collections remain, so obviously the thief has no culture. I'm not much of movie guy, so I won't really miss the movies for the film value. But almost all of them had some sentimental value - or belonged to someone else. I had three movies from Jon - two of which were uncommon French Canadian films and hard to replace. I had a documentary from a guy at church about the Cuban medical system. I'm sure to find that one at Target next to Bringin' Down the House. I also had a library loaner. Owe, I hope the thief returns it to the library.

Many of the other titles were gifts. Shrek - a Christmas present from an aunt, The Shawshank Redemption from Tom, Dead Poets' Society a going-away gift from my co-workers when I left to become a teacher. I don't want them back because I plan to watch them again. I want them back because they were gifts.

Yesterday during class, one of my quiet Asian girls flipped out at her classmates. She tries so hard to concentrate during the lesson and she's surrounded by hooligans. She struggles to concentrate with so much chatter and tomfoolery around her. And then yesterday she snapped. Another student woke up during her tirade and said to the others, "I don't know what you did to make her snap, but I would stop it." When I told her 9th grade teacher about the episode he laughed but he seemed proud. "Good for her." he said, which is how I think most of the teachers and reasonable students felt too. When she was done, I only shook my head and told the class, "She's right."

Unfortunately most of the students laughed at her. Some of it might have been uncomfortable laughter. I hope most of it was because deep inside I want to believe that the majority of the students know that they have to do well in school (and in life). But I know that there was definitely mean-spirited laughter in that room. Kids can be so cruel. Of course, adults can be cruel too. And that's what worries me the most. I'm not sure how many "kids" were laughing. I think they could have been some young adults. And I worry that they just may be mean people who will not "grow out" of this.

The church service today was not especially moving. However, it was worth sitting through if only for the following statement from the minister. After a painfully performed anthem offered by one of the more colorful congregants, the minister acknowledged her by saying, "Yes, He surely knows how much we can bear." I found this hilarious. Why was I the only one laughing?

Mother's Day Record

On this Mother's Day I talked to my grandfather, my grandmother, and my mom in 7 minutes, 33 seconds. We don't banter about in this family.

Less Than Expected

Another teacher called me in the middle of class today to ask me which is the "greater than" sign. My students overheard the conversation. I'm still not sure how many people I should tell about this. At least he is not one of our math teachers.

Summer, are you really coming?

Even though temperatures dropped below freezing this weekend, and there is a chance of snow flurries tomorrow, I'm a little tempted to think of this past weekend as a prelude to summer. By postponing several work assignments to Sunday night (and later this week), we managed to achieve several of our Summer Goals just this week. First, Trevor, Christie, and I drove out to Madison for the Crazylegs Classic 8K run on Saturday morning. I can't believe how cold it was. My normal rule is that I don't run when the temperatures are less than 50, but I made an exception because I had already paid the registration fee. And I didn't realize how cold it was until we passed a thermometer on our way there.

We spent most of the day in the city visiting with friends who used to live in Milwaukee. As we had spent the morning running 5 miles, it was pretty low-key. And any time we hit a lull in a conversation, someone would just begin singing "I'm not gonna write you a love song. Cause you ask for it." We're not necessarily fans of the song. It just played on the radio frequently and we could never get it out of our heads.

Later that evening we headed to a local cocktail lounge. I can't even begin to describe how beautifully tacky this place is. But it has shimmering poinsettia trees and wood panel walls among its decor.

This evening we went to a bell choir concert at Concordia University, where Amanda went to school. She gave us a little tour, but it was too windy for us to eat our dinner on the bluff as we had originally planned. The concert was pretty good. It made me a little homesick for Moscow. Right now, I miss high school and how much simpler life was then.

Update

I'm sorry that I've been so bad about posting lately. But you see, the temperature of Wisconsin is now above freezing, and the snow if finally receding. My students are still demanding a great deal of my attention and the class that I'm taking is winding down. I have all sorts of assignments due in the next month. I handed in one of them on Tuesday, only to have given back to me on Friday to redo. Super. And this weekend I had to write a "self-identity autobiography" that focuses on my cultural background. I sit at my desk and think about the beautiful weather outside, I keep telling myself that I will have all the time I want in July and August.

And to be perfectly honest, I have had some quality down time recently. Bluegrass Wednesdays is still hot. Our kickball team is 1-1, which is already better than last year's record of 0 and every game we showed up to. I attended an MSO concert and saw the new conductor's first concert. And today I saw a woman with a Skip-it running down the street. And you know what my reaction was? I want a skip-it too.

This week is also looking to be jam-packed. I hope to find some time to tell you all about it.

Flattery?

Dental Hygienist (to me): You have good saliva flow. That's a good thing.

Stories from Home

My sister reports the followin from my mom after she saw a young hawk flying around the house.

Mom: I saw an egg in the woods last week and thought it was a squirrel egg...but maybe it was a hawk egg.

Spring Break, Day 5

I woke up at 5:30 this morning so that I could make it to the Spin class that I haven't been to since I began teaching. It kicked my butt.

I have several pictures from Easter. Hopefully I'll get to posting them some time today. Otherwise my plans for today include finishing my taxes and grading papers. Boy, oh boy, if I could get all of my "business" done early this week, the upcoming weekend would be super.

Google Maps

I found my car on google maps. Is it strange that I was looking for it? I figured that the pictures of the Milwaukee streets were taken last year, so I just looked around my old apartment for my car. And I found it!

No syrup for you!

We were turned away from a pancake breakfast today, because we had not registered and they weren't sure if they had enough maple syrup for us. What gives? Go to the store and buy some extra syrup. What a dumb fund-raiser.

Twice this weekend I have found myself driving through the ghetto and blasting Kenny Loggins on the radio. Footloose and I'm Alright.

PA Updates

My mom called me the other day with updates from home.

Mr. So-and-so died, which is too bad because his son was finally getting married this year. "Finally" because the bride graduated with me and they were dating back in high school. I've known the bride since kindergarten; we trick-or-treated together. The groom played bells next to me in the church bell choir.

One of the local firefighters, who is also a PennDOT employee, found the body parts of a dead (duh!) person on the side of the local highway. They found most of the woman except for her hands, which they needed for identification purposes. So, my sister, along with several other people in the area, volunteered to comb the area for the hands. Kelly didn't find them, but she did find a bag of poop. This leads us to more puzzling questions of who throws bags of poop to the side of the highway.

I gave these updates to Christie, but she already knew them. She told me she forgot to pass along those stories because they were surpassed by another story from her father. I remember her telling this story. It began like this:

Christie: Guess who called my father this week? Dr. Phil!

Of course, after a lead-in like this, weddings and murders are forgotten.

Seven degrees feels warm tonight.

Triangles

I'm grading the quizzes that my students took on polygons this week. The highest grade in 4th hour is a 60%. They are identifying polygons. Triangles and squares. Convex and concave. What am I going to do?

Here's an interesting conversation that happened this week.

Student: Man, it smells like liquor. You know one of those fruity drinks.
[Actually I think a girl had sprayed some perfume.]

Student: (to me) Have you been drinking? Have you ever had alcohol?

Me: No.
Me: (thinking) I'm actually hung-over right now.

2007 - Year in Review!

Better Late than Never

January.

• Began the year in Philadelphia among friends.
• Chugged along at work though not very satisfied.
• New ministers at church. Sure they came out of retirement, but they had spunk.

February

• Took a Pilates class. By “took” I mean I signed up for 8 weeks and only went twice.
• Took the bus more. Yea! Public Transportation.
• Not much happened in February.
  

March

• Flew to Europe with Felecia and Charley. Whirlwind tour of 4 countries in 7 days.
• Learned that Holland and the Netherlands are the same.
• Sang, danced, thought about life, and took pictures of French things.
• Continued to chug along at work, but applying for an alternative teacher-certification program.
• Forgot to register for an actuarial exam. Oops. Secretly relieved.

April

• Attended Brewers Opening Day. Proud to be Brewer fan.
• Met with a new pastor for the church.
• Took an exam for teacher certification; lie to get out of work for that morning.
• Easter included an egg hunt in the dark.
• Crazy Legs was first fun run of the season. 8 Kilometers. With our late registration we were in the last wave. Because we were at the back of the pack, we spent the entire race passing other runners. Not once did someone pass us.
  
• Trevor hosted first cook-out of the season though there is still snow on the ground.
• Attend ed retirement party and confirmed that I do not want to work for the Man.

May

• Worked a great deal even though I had been accepted to a teacher-certification program (MTEC).
• Organize MS Walk team – with only 1 other co-worker.
• Organize Symphony on the Square at lunchtime – with only 2 other co-workers.

June

• Jess visited during Riversplash. We had a blast and I tried to convince her to move to Milwaukee with my super friends.
• Christie and I talked about purchasing a duplex together.
• Met with real estate agent.
• Met with mortgage brokers.
• Small ulcer developed.
• Last golf outing with work. Said good-bye to job perks.
• Mick got married. Boogie-woogied as every white boy should.
• Ran in the Beer Run, the only race I know of sponsored by Miller.
• Mom and Alaina visited.
• Surreptitiously attended MTEC classes.
• Ulcer grows.

July

• Offer on house accepted. OMG!
• Announce d my intention to leave my job. But still plan to take the following week off.
• Storm the Bastille 5K Run through the streets of Milwaukee. Vive la France!
• Flew home for the Croomdaddy wedding.
• Got a little homesick.
• Rode a jet-ski for the first time.
• Visit ed NYC with aunt and cousins.
• Hope springs eternal for Hardy, Fielder, and the Brew Crew.

August

• Quit job.
• Bought a house.

September

• Started school.
• Showed various signs of stress.
• Slept less.
• But have much better stories to tell.
• Lost our first (but not last) kickball game. Did well at the bar afterwards.
• Flew to Philadelphia for Adina’s wedding.
• Tease, joke, gossip, eat, drink, and dance.
• Host Ugandan orphans in my house overnight. Talked to their chaperon, Julius, about being a twenty-something in the 21^st century in our different countries.

October

• First parent-teacher conferences.
• First homecoming dance.
• Learned that the latest dance craze is to hump the floor.
• Weekly kickball continues – thank goodness.
• Attended kickball tournament on a Saturday morning.
• Begin drinking at 9 am.
• Meet Papa Smurf.
• Organized church’s team for CROP walk. Realize that we have more Jews on our team than Christians.
• Jacob moves in for 3 months. Make the joke that I only live with “Jacobs” several times.

November

• Just kept swimming.
• Word of the Month: Survival
• Threw a House Warming Party with a wide range of people. Success!
• Ran around the zoo for the Jingle Bell Run
• Observed Dan Goldin Day with a Brewery Tour. This year we actually made it!
• Recognize another teacher working at the brewery. Say Hi.
• Went on another brewery tour later on in the month.
• Hope that fellow teacher/brewery worker does not remember me and the frequency of my tours.
• Teach origami to my students.
• Celebrated Thanksgiving with a close group of friends. Give Thanks.

December

• Countdown the 20 school days between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
• Told by several people to “Hang in there.” Even the homeless guy who sat with me at the Co-op one day when there weren’t enough tables and we had to share.
• Realized that I am a bluegrass fan.
• Realized that Trevor is an a capella fan and Christie definitely is not.
• Flew to Moscow for the holidays.
• Tried to fly back to Milwaukee but became stranded in Cleveland.
• Drove a yellow mustang convertible back to Wisconsin in 8 hours.
• Welcomed my friends to MilONYE.
• Blacked out after 9pm on NYE.

She's not kidding

Student: How did I fail the exam? What did I need to pass?
Me: You need at least 60% to pass.
Student: But I did about half of the exam. That must be at least a B.
Me: Actually, if you only did half, the highest you could possibly get is a 50%, so that's less than 60%.
Student: Oh, ok.

Pictures!

In the My Pictures folder on my computer, I have an entire folder dedicated to the German Beer Hall. I had to create sub-folders to organize all of the pictures in there. Here is one of those pictures. This is Emily. She's a magnet for odd men. Here she has attracted a man in a silly hat. The bar was full of men in silly hats that night. All of their plumes were getting caught in the taxidermy on the walls. It was a haberdasher's nightmare.

Social Lubricant

Milwaukee is still cold. I arrived home from school today to a cold house and turned up the heat. And by "turned up the heat" I mean I chugged two beers in 30 minutes. I have a schoolteacher salary remember, and oil is more expensive than beer. Technically it's not, but orange juice is. But I digress. Anyway, I had a couple of e-mail messages to write that I have been putting off because they are somewhat awkward to write. For example, last month's heating bill arrived and I have to contact my old roommate with the amount that he owes me. I have put this off for a week. However, 2 beers + 1 empty stomach = 1 message - awkwardness. Let's just hope I remembered punctuation and grammar. In fifteen minutes I have completed all of my awkward correspondence.

And now Bluegrass Wednesday awaits. Who knew that I was a bluegrass fan? Not me.

Test Scores (and kids) are Dropping in my School

The last two days at school have been pretty eventful. The principal was gone for a convention, so the assistant principals were left to their own devices. At one point one of them got on the PA system and announced: "I would like to thank the majority of students who were in their classes on time today and doing what they were supposed to be doing. However, we had 60 students suspended today, and I want to remind those students that they cannot come back to school until next Tuesday. And Joe Smith, wherever you are. You have just been added to that suspension list. We'll see you next Tuesday."

When I heard this, I cheered. And other teachers told me that they did too. Finally, an AP was taking a stand against the tide of students who are growing more brazen. The school is falling apart, and sometimes I just hide in my class room.

Yesterday, we had some excitement in the math department. A student fell from the ceiling into Julie's classroom. Yes, from the ceiling. She was going along in her lesson, and then suddenly a person's arm and leg were hanging from the ceiling above her. The student had jumped on top of some storage cabinets that we keep in our hallway. Figuring that he could crawl around the school, he climbed onto the ceiling panels. Our school is home to some of the lowest test scores in the state, and this just reinforces that data. How did he think that ceiling panels would hold his weight? There are mice in the building too big for those panels.

We're not sure if the student was high or not. He was running around the school looking for chips and food earlier in the day. He may be one of our more entrepreneurial students who sells food to the masses, or he was jonesing himself. We don't know. But now the teachers are spreading rumors of a huge cache of flamin' hot chee-tos in our ceilings.

So, anytime that I have been asked about my day today, I have responded with, "Any day in which a student doesn't fall into my classroom is a good day in my book."

I don't miss the consulting world at all.

Someday...

somebody's gonna make you wanna turn around and say Good-bye.

Oh, Sunday night listening to Delilah. Hold on for one more day.

Ancient Chinese Secret

NYE was so much fun that I don't even remember it. I left my credit card at Long Wong's. I haven't picked it up yet, however, when I check my account on line, only $10 was charged to my card. I (allegedly) broke more than $10 worth of glasses in a single swipe of my arm. How was I not charged more?

On the roller coaster of life...

sometimes you're Fabio's face and sometimes you're a goose.