6th Period

My 6th period class was disrupted this afternoon by an ambulance that pulled up to our school. I like my windows, but sometimes they distract my students. The ambulance didn't draw attention from my lesson so much as the story that accompanied it. The gossip in my room was that a girl had a baby during school today. I didn't fully believe the student who said this. It's not that she's an incredulous source, but she's a mouth-breather, and I just don't trust them. Anyway, the two (out of five)(out of a total class of 35!) pregnant girls who happened to be in my class today looked panicked at the idea of delivering a baby at school. I don't know if I helped the gossip by adding that I heard that the baby is going to be named "Gymnasium" ("Gym" for short) after the place in which he was birthed.

Postcard from Houston

I received this message in the mail today:

Greetings from Houston TX. We went to the Strip House for dinner with friends & saw lots of naked women! Love, Mom & Dad

Lemonade

My tax prep software only has a space for the date of one theft in a year. Don't they know that it's possible to be robbed multiple time in a year and have stolen 2 laptops and 3 cameras?

Every Day is a Big Day

I planned my day around my trip to the gym, which was to happen at 8 o'clock, so that I could watch Lost while running on the treadmill. Everything else was planned backwards from that moment.

I woke up later than I had wanted, just like every day. I quickly packed up the car with chili making supplies because that was my after-school plan - making chili at the church for our Bluegrass concert tomorrow. I couldn't leave 8 lbs of meat in my car during the day so I had to bring it in the school with me. Thankfully, noone made a comment about my bag-o-meat.

I rushed to complete some tasks in my prep hour. However, I was called twice TWICE! to the office in 10 minutes to talk to the parent of a student. I was teased throughout the day for having been called to the office. They actually announced, "Will Mr. _____ please come back to the office?" I can't emphasize how much I did within the first period. I was on fire.

My morning freshman algebra classes were their normal hectic selves. I lectured students on poor behavior. I mocked them for whining that exponents are too hard and we "only" spent a week on them. I was cussed at. I saved a student from a spider. I held their fragile egos in balance while I told them they had to work harder if they were to succeed. I taught them scientific notation. I learned about googolplexes from one of them. And I kicked a girl out of class for telling me, in much more vulgar terms, to "Eat a cat, you female dog ."

I subbed for another "teacher" during my resource hour. Her class is currently watching Gran Turino. This raised so many questions for me. 1.) What does this movie have to do with Civics? 2.) How is the language/violence/themes appropriate for these 9th graders? 3.) Where did she get this boot-legged movie? 4.) What is she teaching and not teaching her students?

In the afternoon, I teach an elective class for upperclassmen. Today's afternoon was eaten up by the Black History program, which I did not attend. I had a few students in each of my classes that did not want to attend, so I stayed back with them. We prepared for the chapter test that's being given tomorrow. I gave them a review packet, but they could do whatever they wanted to do. Most of them caught up on assignments that they had missed. Yesterday a student told me that they should have today off because they shouldn't be punished for not participating in the Black History program. I told him that I was concerned about Black Future, so we're going to have something to work on.

Also, the Black History program is a joke. I overheard someone say that he plays Michael Jackson in the show. I had a similar reaction as Emma Thompson has in Love, Actually when she finds out that her daughter is the first lobster in the nativity play. Perhaps, MJ is in the show because historically he was black.

The afternoon was actually fun. The kids that stay behind are good students and they get some appreciated attention. I get a chance to relax and have some nice conversations with them on days like today.

Right after school, I talked to the department chair and caught up on some school gossip. Next year the school is going to be split into 4 small learning communities. Today they announced our assignments. The department chair told me that they're thinking to ask me to be my community's facilitator. I don't know what that means besides a leadership role. I will be in my 3rd year and I'm the first choice for leadership out of 20 veterans. No wonder our school is falling apart.

I quickly put together my plans for tomorrow.

I went to the church and made chili. I met several people from the Narcotics Anonymous group. Well, they are anonymous no longer to me.

Then I went to the gym, which is what my day was planned around. It's Thursday. Lost is on Wednesday nights.

I enjoyed the following until the short moment in the Swamp of Sorrow.

Marathon

I signed up for the Seattle Rock N Roll Marathon, which will be held on Saturday, June 27th. Although it's a few months away it is already causing a mixture of excitement and anxiety in my life. It's tough in my busy schedule to fit in my runs. For some reason I think it's tougher to go for a run at the gym than to go for a swim. Perhaps because it takes me longer to cool down and to recover afterwards.

This weekend was my first training run that took some planning and motivation. It was 8 miles. And it took 28 laps around the track at the skating rink. Sure, I had other runners and skaters to watch, and music to listen to over the speaker system, but it still became boring. I'm going to have to work on some techniques to get me through the long runs. All of my weekend runs from now on will be at least 8 miles.

My iPod arrived today. It's my first. So, I'm working on my playlist now. Uploading all of my CDs to the computer so that I can import them to Leonard. I think that's a good name for him. He is green and he's a nano. And he's a fan of MJ, especially the Thriller album.

I've been thinking about the name Leonard this week, because that's the first name of the mathematician, Euler. And Leohnard Euler is the answer to a coded riddle in the algebra book that I use with my freshmen. The textbook authors thought it would be fun (or funny) for students to work on an extended problem only to find the answer is "Leohnard Euler". Lucky for us though, I caught this before we assigned it to our students. So, one of the other teachers is working on a similar riddle, but now the answer will be "Flamin' Hots". The kids will love it.

Invitation

To: The Milwaukee Rocky Horror Picture Show Company
Subject: Eddie

Hi,

I interested in getting in contact with the person who plays Eddie in the RHPS. My friends and I are throwing a Meatloaf Party on February 20th, and I am wondering if he would be interested in attending. We plan to celebrate Meat Loaf the performer and meat loaf the meal. Our website is www.meatloafparty.com.

Thanks,
Donny

Meatloaf Party

It's actually going to happen! We have a website and everything. Meatloaf Party I've been listening to plenty of his music recently to keep myself pumped. Amanda did a great job on the website. I'm now working on a costume. I think I may try to dress like Meat Loaf. I have to find a dress shirt with the ruffles. And suspenders. And greasy hair. I never thought I would have another use for my mullet wig. It's the gift that keeps on giving. First it was part of my Uncle Dad Halloween costume. Then Jon wore it as Brewer SuperFan. And now to complete the trifecta - it will be worn as part of a Meat Loaf costume. I know that Meat Loaf doesn't have a mullet, but I'm not going to buy a new wig, and I'm pretty positive that Meat Loaf wigs are not available at this time of year.

The Prodigal Sock

It's been missing for months and then decides to make an appearance in today's laundry. Where has it been? What has it been doing? If only socks could talk.

Class

Me to class: You're not struggling with solving equations because you're stupid. You're struggling because you don't pay attention and listen to me.

Student: Did you just call us stupid?

Me: No, but thank you for proving my point.

Flush

I just fixed my toilet and I feel so good about it. I had to make a trip to the hardware store, then use several tools; and it actually works.

Cold!

School was canceled today because of the cold. The temperature was -9 when I woke up this morning, and they meteorologists are not sure if we'll get to the other side of 0. I set my thermostat to 60 degrees and that's where it's staying. Beer is cheaper than gas, so that's how I keep warm.

Sweaters

My heating bill for last month (during which I was out of my house for 2 weeks) is $238. I only live in half of a house. And I'm usually cold. I'm going shopping for more sweaters.

2008 Year in Review

January

The year began in a blur. Well, more like a blackout. The first thing I remember in 2008 is throwing up. Things could only go uphill. The weather was extremely cold. My friends and I went out pretty regularly. We established Wednesday Night Bluegrass and I realized that we had been to the German Beer Hall so often that I needed a separate picture folder on my computer just for those nights. At school, a kid fell through the ceiling.

February

Cold weather continued but so did going out with friends. I went cross-country skiing and saw The Lion King. My education continued to grow as did my teaching experience.

March

Christie and I cranked up the heat and threw a beach party. We even bought a palm tree decoration and leis. Trevor took one for the team and manned the grill in the bitter cold. We were turned away from a pancake breakfast because they thought that they “might” run out of maple syrup. Easter and Spring Break were welcome breaks to this first-year teacher.

April

The kickball season began and we actually won games! The Brewers’ season began and they didn’t so much. I could see the end to my first year in education. It would not be my last - though I tried to get a job at another school in the district. I ran in my first 8K for the season and I saw a bell choir.

May

My education class finally came to an end even if it required scrambling to get everything together for my certification. I went to several baseball games and camped with some friends in Illinois. I had my first break-in (for the year). Christie went to Guatemala for 10 days but left her grandmother here. Gram and I hung out. Riversplash! Kicked off summer.

June

I witnessed my first MPS graduation and repeatedly picked up my jaw off the floor – like when the principal quoted scripture during his address. I ran the Beer Run (3 kilometers and 4 official beer stops) in 40 minutes! School ended for the year. Visited Iowa and saw caves and Amanda’s hometown. Drove to Cincinnati for Thomas and Maureen’s wedding. Danced with my friends in a giant grape-vining circle. (I wish I could express how good that moment (and weekend) felt.)

July

Beached in New Jersey with Adina. Received such a bad sunburn that it affected the rest of July. Learned a lesson about SPF - again. Independence Day with the family was a blast. It’s such a good holiday to witness in small towns. Stormed the Bastille (5K). Worked at Bastille Days Festival. Ran to Festa Italiana (5K). Missed registration for the Sausage Race, but managed to hold back tears as I cheered Jon and Emily. Began working for the YMCA’s summer enrichment program. Lived out a favorite bluegrass tune by drinking whiskey for breakfast.

August

Jake and Katie were married. Danced. Saw an old friend from BU. Saw a demolition derby. Ran in a 10 mile race. Lindsey and Mike came to visit and we toured 3 breweries in 3 days. Convinced them that Milwaukee is a great place. Cousin Lindsey made a comment to me that she didn’t know I was so weird. We continued to grill by the lake on Sunday evenings. Mom and Dad came to visit for a night.

September

School’s back! I get my schedule a day or two before classes begin and I get an ominous feeling about how the year is going to run. Kickball started but we lose more often than last season. Bronwyn visits at the end of the month. My house is broken into again. I buy my third laptop and fourth camera for the year. I interact with the police multiple times including a frisking! and a hit-and-run. I threw a party. I saw Itzhak Perlman.

October

The Brewers made it to the playoffs! They lost to the eventual champs, Philadelphia. We spread our love for Ed Sedar, first base coach of the Milwaukee Brewers, by selling t-shirts that say, “Get to 1st Base with Ed”. The Homecoming Pep Rally led to a riot at school. My grandfather died and I made a trip home for a weekend. I ran in a 9 mile race in 1 hour and 29 minutes.

November

Obama won the election and I felt so much better about my country. Dan Goldin Day grew to include 14 people at the Lakefront Brewery. The evening ended with dancing to Billy Ocean and Journey. I began to see how my circle of friends is evolving. I attended Ann and Nick’s wedding in Madison. This was the first wedding that I attended that I knew the couple for their entire courtship.

December

Christie and I threw a successful Ugly Christmas Sweater Party with only a week to plan. Advent felt very short and I scrambled to get things together before my drive home. Temperatures and snow fell. I drove to Nashville to welcome 2009 amidst old friends.

Holiday Travel Day 1

My 700 mile drive to Pennsylvania has become a great deal more exciting this year with a trunk full of microbrew beer purchased for my father and temperatures below zero. I have to check it constantly to be sure that the bottles have not exploded. So far I've only lost a growler (64 fl. oz.) of hard root beer. Luckily, it only "exploded" a little, and I cleaned up the "ice" with no problem. I hope I don't have to explain to any police officers that my containers were not opened by me, but by nature. And I'm sure the front desk at the hotel isn't wondering what I'm doing with 3 cases of beer in my room. Ah, Cleveland.

Snow Day!

On Friday, school was canceled and my Christmas holiday began one day earlier than expected. Some of the younger teachers were planning on going out after school, but the snow storm threw off our plans. I was determined, and so was Erick, (who learned my first name this week so that we would not have the awkward situation of him calling me Mr. C. at the bar). Mario also came out with us - he's not a teacher, he just likes to drink beer.

When I was getting ready for the evening, I contemplated wearing dancing-friendly attire, but then figured that I would probably not end up dancing if I were hanging out with two dudes, especially if the three of us did not know each other very well. I was wrong. I was very wrong.

The night started at Nessun Dorma, where noone sleeps. I like Nessun Dorma; it's laid back, the staff is friendly, and the beer selection is extensive. Our bartender was cute and several times I caught her smiling at our conversations, on which she was eavesdropping.

We left ND at about midnight and worked our way to another Riverwest establishment, the Riverhorse ("hippopotamus" in Ancient Greek). I usually like the Riverhorse but on Friday night we stuck out like nerds at a punk bar. This was probably because we were nerds at a punk bar. So, I did what made sense and pulled out my new camera to take pictures. Actually I only took one picture. This picture:
I think it captures the mood of the night pretty well. We only lasted for one drink at the Riverhorse - definitely enough time for me to make two comments about translations of bar names in foreign languages.

I'm not sure who suggested Mad Planet, but it's always a good suggestion. MP is only open on weekends and every Friday is 80s Night. Mad Planet is the type of place where anything goes. It has all types of people and outfits range from bridesmaid's dresses to flannel (and flannel bridesmaid's dresses). So, my snowboots were just fine. I don't remember what songs were played (definitely no MJ, Madonna, nor JBJ) but I spent a good amount of time on the dance floor. I now realize that I do not have any bloggable stories from MP, which is too bad because the place has so much potential.

This was a great way to begin my holiday break. I hope it's just a preview of what's to come: good food, good drinks, good friends.

Secret Santa

Did I tell you that my Secret Santa at work left me a thong? It's a tuxedo thong so it has a little bow tie on the front and tails in the back. Most of the staff knows about this even though our gift exchange is limited to the math department.

Today "Santa" left me some novelty condoms. Do you know what Santa leaves for the other teachers? Julie received a candle. Charles got some mixed nuts and candy. Dave received a gift card to a coffee shop. I got novelty condoms and a thong. My fear is that when I finally bring this stuff home, I'm going to die in a car crash and there will be reports of the teacher with the strange fetishes.

Staff Christmas Party

Karaoke Machine + a bartender giving me cheap drinks = a lasting impression on my coworkers

I sang the following songs over the course of the night:

Minnie the Moocher
Sweet Caroline (with the math department)
Short Skirt, Long Jacket
Lollipop by Lil' Wayne (duet with Wendy, the office lady)
Lola
Paradise by the Dashboard Light (duet with Steve)
Midnight Train to Georgia (as a Pip!)
Fat Bottomed Girls
Dancing Queen (with the English department)
Seasons of Love (yeah, numbers!)

Teaching

I had two conversations with two different classes yesterday regarding the number of states in the Union. More than one of my students thinks that there are 52 states in the country! And I'm still not sure if they believe me and the rest of the class.

Workplace hazards

We had 2 fights in the math corridor yesterday. I witnessed a kid with blood gushing out of his mouth. Because he was yelling so much (profanity and threats at the other student) he ended up spitting blood in the face of another teacher. Now this teacher has to for testing to make sure he hasn't contracted any diseases. Another teacher still gets tested every 6 months for AIDS after being bitten by a student last year.

Today there was a mob of students milling about the hallway during 3rd period. I tried to break them up with an English teacher and the students laughed at us. Where was security? Where were the cops? Where was administration?

During our staff meeting this morning, I received no reassurance from the principal. He's in over his head. And I'm looking for another school at which to teach.

Here we come

I have been thinking a great deal about my last post since I went to church on Sunday. The liturgy and pastor's sermon seemed to go well with my cola and whiskey musings. This week's liturgy was the Mark passage where John the Baptist talks about Jesus by saying that he (John) is only preparing the way for One greater than he. The pastor's sermon then went on to say that Jesus made remarks that He was preparing the way for those who would do even greater things - meaning us.

During the sermon, all of the biblical talk was then tied to the history of our congregation because Sunday was the annual meeting for our local church, during which we analyze the prior year and plan for the upcoming. We're going through some tough financial straits, but due to our hard work, we're turning things around. Luckily our predecessors planned for lean times like these, and hopefully the present congregants will continue to look forward as they deal with today's issues. The minister made a comment that I think is important for all of us to remember, especially those of us that are relatively young. She said, "Some day the youngest person in the room may be the oldest person in the room." As a teacher, that summed up what keeps me going every day. We have to prepare the way for the people that will one day lead our society. We have to teach. We have to guide. We have to clean up our messes. And we have to prepare.

We have to be the whiskey that makes the skunky beer go down a little easier later on in the night.