Finals are a Drag

The school year just won't end. Today was the second day of finals. Of the three upper-level classes I teach, I only had 2 students pass my final. I don't say that proudly. It's not a tough final. For example, the have to multiply binomials. Remember FOIL. I hate grading finals too, so I look for every reason to give students a zero. Talking, texting, sharing calculators, walking out of class. I say that I give them a zero as if that's different from the grade they'll receive if I take the time to score their tests. Most of my students scored less than a 40%. One even managed a 6. Seriously. Another question was to calculate 8% sales tax on a $120 pair of jeans. (I did not write this problem, as I would never spend that much on jeans, nor would I shop in a municipality that had such high sales tax. I'm looking at you Chicago.)

Also, one of my students dressed in drag for our final. With wig and heels. I always try to dress comfortibly for big exams. I don't know how he could have been comfortible. But now that I think about class today, I didn't really talk to him. I hope he doesn't think I was ignoring him for his attire. I was too busy dealing with the girls whose shorts were very inappropriate for school. So many clothing issues in just one class!

Evaluation

I didn't say anything when the vice principal sent me an apologetic memo to tell me that she would evaluate me this year.

I didn't say anything when the evaluation happened unannounced 2 weeks after it was due.

I didn't say anything (sarcastic) when the vice principal had to ask me my name when she showed up to evaluate me.

I didn't say anything when she left after 15 minutes of class.

I didn't say anything when she interrupted another class to have my sign the evaluation. She asked me "if I was busy". For the record, yes, I was busy. I was teaching a class.

I didn't say anything when she asked me again which math teacher I am.

However, when my evaluation says that I provide an "effective and deficient physical space" I have to ask, "What does that mean?" What was she trying to say? Did she confuse "deficient" with "efficient"? Everything in the evaluation is positive, although I question whether she's writing about me or the guy across the hall. I don't even know to whom I would bring this up. Except for my peers, so that we can laugh (and cry) at our situation.

Things I Have Confiscated from Shamika* in the Past Month

1. A Roobix Cube - I don't think this is its real name but it was the generic form of the brand name puzzle.

2. Nail clippers - She was clipping her nails during class and the other students found it disgusting.

3. The Watchtower - This is the publication put out by the Jehovah's Witnesses. Not that I was suppressing her religious expression, I just want her to learn about compound interest before she begins questioning me about the afterlife.

4. A Yard Stick - This was placed in her pants and she told me that she could not sit down because she couldn't bend her knees anymore.

5. A Goldfish - In a cup of water. How did that poor goldfish make it all the way to 6th period, I don't know. Did it make it to the end of the day? I don't know that either.

* Names have been changed to protect the innocent - me.

Milestone

Today is my parents' 30th wedding anniversary. To each other. Was I supposed to do something for this? I think it's still too early for their children to throw them parties. I have no plan of doing this until their 50th anniversary. Also, they are currently camping as they do every Memorial Day, so I can't even reach them to wish them a happy day.

Big Weekend

I accomplished quite a lot this weekend.

• I chaperoned prom. I was going to take pictures but then realized that I was only taking pictures so that I could post ridiculous pictures of students on my blog. There is so much to say about my high school's prom, but I only want to mention one thing. Some of the girls did not have enough support in the "cleavledge"* area. The straps of their dresses broke and they spent most of the evening holding up the fabric by hand.
• I ran 18 miles on Saturday. It took more than 3 hours.
• I went on the pub crawl in my neighborhood. The low point of the day was drinking Natural Ice; the high point, eating meatball sandwiches at the Puerto Rican bar down the street to celebrate the owner's daughter's graduation. I also found out that a coworker of mine tends bar 3 blocks from my house. And he'll give me shots of whiskey for free!
  
• I woke up at 4 am with the urge to purge my body of Nattie Ice and Puerto Rican meatballs. I watched episodes of The West Wing instead. Thank goodness the thieves left those.
• I attended church.
• I napped.
• I cut the grass.
• I ran another 3 miles.
• I registered for the neighborhood beer run. 1.8 miles. 4 official beer stops.
  
• I saw Star Trek. Eh, it's ok.
• I looked at a pile of student work and decided not to grade it.
  

*"Cleavledge" is the term that my principal uses to refer to women's breasts.

Bed Bugs

I have not been home for Easter in eight years - since high school. I suppose my mom wanted to relive old times so she put together an Easter basket for me. It included the typical basket stuff - chocolate, jelly beans, refrigerator magnets, chop sticks, and a pillow case. My mom is a quilter and is always sewing something. This year she found some great fabric for a pillow case for my sister. Because she didn't want to treat her children differently from each other, my mom hunted for fabric to make me my own homemade pillow case. She searched and searched and finally settled on ant fabric. I can't imagine what this fabric would be used for.

Happy Mothers' Day

Overheard & Wishing I Did Not Join

(overheard)
Student 1: I don't think he's Jewish.
Student 2: Of course, he's not Jewish! He doesn't have a big nose! Look!
Me: Girls, don't say things like that. That's racist.
S2: Say what? (to the other girl) See, he's not Jewish; he doesn't have a big nose.
Me: Don't say racist things like that.
S2: Racist? We're saying you don't have a big nose.
Me: I know. But when you make sweeping comments about a race of people that's racist.
S2: But Jewish people do have big noses.
Me: No they don't. Not all Jewish people.
S1: So, you're Jewish, but you don't have a big nose.
Me: No. I'm not Jewish, but that doesn't matter. (sigh) You can't say that all Jews have big noses, just like you can't say that all black people have big lips.
S1: You have small lips.
S2: Yeah, your lips are really small.
Me: I think my lips are very nice. They have a nice shape. Wait, we're supposed to be talking about quadratic equations.

Application

I just found out that the school I want to work at never received my job application. I received an application receipt! I hate online applications! They probably already filled the position. I can't stay in my current school for another year. I don't want to deal with (as many) riots next year. I need to grow. I need new experiences. Like bomb threats. And racial gangs.

Duck! Duck! Goose?

I ran my first half-marathon today! I know that many runners who blog (or bloggers who run) will write about their times (2:04:00) and their splits (9:27 /mile) and their training (all the time). I have thought about doing that myself because I'm also raising money for the Lymphoma & Leukemia Society and this blog would be a great promotional tool (See my web page! Help me reach my goal!). But, I didn't do that in the beginning of my training and now it just feels strange to write in medias res. This training is no epic, though it sometimes feels like it.

In the course of running long distances, I see many things on the trails - usually trash. I find most of it interesting, although I probably wouldn't think twice about the garbage if I were able to bring my iPod with me. (Curses to my funny-shaped ears that were not built for ear buds.) Sometimes I find dead animals. I've learned that I'm the only one on my training team that is interested in road kill. Nobody else seems to care. How can they not wonder how the animal died? Wild animals don't die of old age. There is always a story. And given that I'm not running on roads with street traffic, they're not dying by vehicular homicide either. I usually wonder aloud about the dead animals, and noone ever joins my conversation. So, it always ends up as a monologue about carcases. And then someone changes the subject to something more pleasant, like chaffing or nipple protection.

Today I found a second duck head! A second one! I'm not finding the decapitated bodies. I'm not finding the heads of other animals. What's going on?!? Obviously there's a duck serial killer loose in Milwaukee.

Throat

I had such a cool experience tonight, and I cannot convey it in words. I saw a concert of Tuvan throat singing. It was at a house - a cabin on an island of the Milwaukee river. It was a very small venue, free to get in, but you were supposed to bring food to the pot-luck dinner. It's a great place to see folk singers and blue-grass bands.

I had no idea what to expect from the throat singers. I had no idea what to expect from Tuvans. I had never even heard of Tuva, a country near Siberia. (Apparently neither has my spell check.) The music was incredible though. It is certainly different than the music I normally listen to. The throat-singers create several notes simulaneously, able to generate harmony and melody in the same body. The sounds have an eerie feeling, but also soothing and gentle. I think it helped that the band members were all about my age and I spent a good amount of time wondering how similar and different our lives were.

6th Period

My 6th period class was disrupted this afternoon by an ambulance that pulled up to our school. I like my windows, but sometimes they distract my students. The ambulance didn't draw attention from my lesson so much as the story that accompanied it. The gossip in my room was that a girl had a baby during school today. I didn't fully believe the student who said this. It's not that she's an incredulous source, but she's a mouth-breather, and I just don't trust them. Anyway, the two (out of five)(out of a total class of 35!) pregnant girls who happened to be in my class today looked panicked at the idea of delivering a baby at school. I don't know if I helped the gossip by adding that I heard that the baby is going to be named "Gymnasium" ("Gym" for short) after the place in which he was birthed.

Postcard from Houston

I received this message in the mail today:

Greetings from Houston TX. We went to the Strip House for dinner with friends & saw lots of naked women! Love, Mom & Dad

Lemonade

My tax prep software only has a space for the date of one theft in a year. Don't they know that it's possible to be robbed multiple time in a year and have stolen 2 laptops and 3 cameras?

Every Day is a Big Day

I planned my day around my trip to the gym, which was to happen at 8 o'clock, so that I could watch Lost while running on the treadmill. Everything else was planned backwards from that moment.

I woke up later than I had wanted, just like every day. I quickly packed up the car with chili making supplies because that was my after-school plan - making chili at the church for our Bluegrass concert tomorrow. I couldn't leave 8 lbs of meat in my car during the day so I had to bring it in the school with me. Thankfully, noone made a comment about my bag-o-meat.

I rushed to complete some tasks in my prep hour. However, I was called twice TWICE! to the office in 10 minutes to talk to the parent of a student. I was teased throughout the day for having been called to the office. They actually announced, "Will Mr. _____ please come back to the office?" I can't emphasize how much I did within the first period. I was on fire.

My morning freshman algebra classes were their normal hectic selves. I lectured students on poor behavior. I mocked them for whining that exponents are too hard and we "only" spent a week on them. I was cussed at. I saved a student from a spider. I held their fragile egos in balance while I told them they had to work harder if they were to succeed. I taught them scientific notation. I learned about googolplexes from one of them. And I kicked a girl out of class for telling me, in much more vulgar terms, to "Eat a cat, you female dog ."

I subbed for another "teacher" during my resource hour. Her class is currently watching Gran Turino. This raised so many questions for me. 1.) What does this movie have to do with Civics? 2.) How is the language/violence/themes appropriate for these 9th graders? 3.) Where did she get this boot-legged movie? 4.) What is she teaching and not teaching her students?

In the afternoon, I teach an elective class for upperclassmen. Today's afternoon was eaten up by the Black History program, which I did not attend. I had a few students in each of my classes that did not want to attend, so I stayed back with them. We prepared for the chapter test that's being given tomorrow. I gave them a review packet, but they could do whatever they wanted to do. Most of them caught up on assignments that they had missed. Yesterday a student told me that they should have today off because they shouldn't be punished for not participating in the Black History program. I told him that I was concerned about Black Future, so we're going to have something to work on.

Also, the Black History program is a joke. I overheard someone say that he plays Michael Jackson in the show. I had a similar reaction as Emma Thompson has in Love, Actually when she finds out that her daughter is the first lobster in the nativity play. Perhaps, MJ is in the show because historically he was black.

The afternoon was actually fun. The kids that stay behind are good students and they get some appreciated attention. I get a chance to relax and have some nice conversations with them on days like today.

Right after school, I talked to the department chair and caught up on some school gossip. Next year the school is going to be split into 4 small learning communities. Today they announced our assignments. The department chair told me that they're thinking to ask me to be my community's facilitator. I don't know what that means besides a leadership role. I will be in my 3rd year and I'm the first choice for leadership out of 20 veterans. No wonder our school is falling apart.

I quickly put together my plans for tomorrow.

I went to the church and made chili. I met several people from the Narcotics Anonymous group. Well, they are anonymous no longer to me.

Then I went to the gym, which is what my day was planned around. It's Thursday. Lost is on Wednesday nights.

I enjoyed the following until the short moment in the Swamp of Sorrow.

Marathon

I signed up for the Seattle Rock N Roll Marathon, which will be held on Saturday, June 27th. Although it's a few months away it is already causing a mixture of excitement and anxiety in my life. It's tough in my busy schedule to fit in my runs. For some reason I think it's tougher to go for a run at the gym than to go for a swim. Perhaps because it takes me longer to cool down and to recover afterwards.

This weekend was my first training run that took some planning and motivation. It was 8 miles. And it took 28 laps around the track at the skating rink. Sure, I had other runners and skaters to watch, and music to listen to over the speaker system, but it still became boring. I'm going to have to work on some techniques to get me through the long runs. All of my weekend runs from now on will be at least 8 miles.

My iPod arrived today. It's my first. So, I'm working on my playlist now. Uploading all of my CDs to the computer so that I can import them to Leonard. I think that's a good name for him. He is green and he's a nano. And he's a fan of MJ, especially the Thriller album.

I've been thinking about the name Leonard this week, because that's the first name of the mathematician, Euler. And Leohnard Euler is the answer to a coded riddle in the algebra book that I use with my freshmen. The textbook authors thought it would be fun (or funny) for students to work on an extended problem only to find the answer is "Leohnard Euler". Lucky for us though, I caught this before we assigned it to our students. So, one of the other teachers is working on a similar riddle, but now the answer will be "Flamin' Hots". The kids will love it.

Invitation

To: The Milwaukee Rocky Horror Picture Show Company
Subject: Eddie

Hi,

I interested in getting in contact with the person who plays Eddie in the RHPS. My friends and I are throwing a Meatloaf Party on February 20th, and I am wondering if he would be interested in attending. We plan to celebrate Meat Loaf the performer and meat loaf the meal. Our website is www.meatloafparty.com.

Thanks,
Donny

Meatloaf Party

It's actually going to happen! We have a website and everything. Meatloaf Party I've been listening to plenty of his music recently to keep myself pumped. Amanda did a great job on the website. I'm now working on a costume. I think I may try to dress like Meat Loaf. I have to find a dress shirt with the ruffles. And suspenders. And greasy hair. I never thought I would have another use for my mullet wig. It's the gift that keeps on giving. First it was part of my Uncle Dad Halloween costume. Then Jon wore it as Brewer SuperFan. And now to complete the trifecta - it will be worn as part of a Meat Loaf costume. I know that Meat Loaf doesn't have a mullet, but I'm not going to buy a new wig, and I'm pretty positive that Meat Loaf wigs are not available at this time of year.

The Prodigal Sock

It's been missing for months and then decides to make an appearance in today's laundry. Where has it been? What has it been doing? If only socks could talk.

Class

Me to class: You're not struggling with solving equations because you're stupid. You're struggling because you don't pay attention and listen to me.

Student: Did you just call us stupid?

Me: No, but thank you for proving my point.