All good blogs have at least one Fart Post. This will be mine.
If...whom am I kidding...When I look for my next job, I will look for one at which I can fart. Cubicles are not fart-friendly. The neighbors can hear you. The half-walls, while good for ventilation, do not keep the scent from people walking by. And it's far too easy for one's boss (or Cute Girl) to walk into the cube moments after an SBD has been launched. I don't know if I can continue to digest food in this environment. I eat healthily. A lot of green vegetables. Beans. Maybe it's the lactose. But for whatever the reason, I dread the afternoon because of the somersaults my stomach turns after lunch.
I want a job where bodily noises aren't noticed, like on a airport run-way. Or I need a job out in the open, like in a forest preserve. Or perhaps where strange smells are not out of the ordinary, like a laboratory. Or I could look for a job at the trifecta of these characteristics - the landfill.
Confession time: now that I live in a strange city, a city in which I don't plan to spend the rest of my life, sometimes I just let one rip in public. Sometime I figure the guy walking down the street will just assume the sound was the scuffing of my shoe. Or I'll be in the mall and just assume that if I keep a straight face, noone will think it's me. If they figure it out...so what. It's not like they've never had to do it.
As my Aunt Janine says, "It's better to bear the shame, than to bear the pain." How true.
5 comments:
my blog does not have a post like this.
signed,
not adina
HAHAHAHA WHOEVER WROTE THAT TOM.
on a side note, Dot recently told me that an early sign of Alzheimer's was loss of smell. To which I replied,
"well then i'll start farting on a regular basis and when you stop smelling them, then we'll know you've got Alzheimer's."
i'm always a team player people. and the team loves farts stories.
Your post made me laugh out loud. And now I have to take a time-out because if I don't calm down before the next call I have to make (to Puerto Rico...en espanol) I might laugh at the doctor. Yes!
Donny,
Thank you.
I really thought I was the only one who had cube-fart fears. It was comforting (and entertaining) to hear that I was not alone in my afternoons-in-the-cube gasious situation. I moved into an office today and am feeling tremendously better.
I'm still keeping an air freshener tacked underneath my desk.
Not KT
People have learned in my office to give me a 30 minute break after lunch before coming over with questions.
I think word has spread.
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