IOWA

When Wisconsinites vacation, they go to Iowa. This weekend, Amanda brought Christie, Jon, and me to her hometown of Maquoketa, IA. As Jon said on the way home, Iowa exceeded expectations. We had a good time. I don't have a camera, but I'll steal some pictures from my friends to give more detail to the highlights of the trip.

Catfish fry - I ate 3 fish. I know how much I ate because the meat was still on the bone. We also drank Bud from a can.

Two fires in the backyard.

Flapjacks Restaurant - We learned that IHOP is not in Canada. Apparently the "I" means nothing. Christie looked around at the other patrons of Flapjacks and realized her future.

The Caves - Only pictures will express how cool these were.

The Field of Dreams - Only pictures will express how much it looks like a baseball diamond in a cornfield.

Popsicle Stick - Amanda had one stuck on her car roof for the entire trip. Many conversations were held regarding the popsicle stick.

Drive-in Movie - We arrived 2 hours early to get a good spot only to find that the movies being shown were Don't Mess with the Zohan and Made of Honor. Lucky for us we had whiskey, beef jerky, popcorn, beer, strawberries, and junior mints to pass the time. I fell asleep for most of Zohan and we left after 15 minutes of MoH.

Who needs a television?

When the Hollywood writers were on strike they must have spent some time writing storylines for my life, because I swear I'm living a TV show.

First of all, my job is like an after-school TV special. High school kids are naturally drama magnets. I had some funny stories for you, but they were all trumped by the sober news that the school staff received on Monday, our last day before summer vacation. Over the weekend, one of our freshmen, a sophomore this fall was killed. It involved a gun and a fight. It made me think of those kids that stopped coming to school for the last weeks of the semester. Where did they end up? Especially Nicole. Her grades were getting so much better and then she stopped attending class. Where is she?

My social life is an episode of Friends. Like one of the season finales. It's awful. I can give you details off-line.

My household reminds me of a Looney Tunes cartoon. I have a mouse in my kitchen, named Floyd. (Stupid dangling participle - the mouse is named Floyd, not the kitchen.) Floyd taunts me. He runs out into the middle of the room when I'm there. He doesn't hide. He feigns fear. I set a trap for him, but it never springs. I set it out. I go for a run. I return in an hour. The peanut butter is gone, but the trap is still set. I have done this three times, and yet Floyd still runs amok like a roadrunner. Perhaps I need a bigger anvil.

Bring on Summer

Student 1: Are you mixed?
Me: Uh?
Student 1: Like are you just white? Or are you, like, Puerto Rican too?
Me: Well, some of my family is from Russia, Italy, and Germany. Maybe Welsh too.
Student 2: Yeah, he's just white.
Me: Are you just black? Do you know where your family's from?
Student 1: Some of my family is from Mississippi.
Student 2: That's the United States too.

Happy Father's Day

Some of the advice/wisdom that has been passed to me from my father:

• Never pass on the right.
• Sit up straight with your shoulders back.
• When your church asks you for help, give it. They'll be there for you when you ask for help.
• Restrooms are always near the bar.
• If your grandparents give you something, say "Thank you" and take it. We can throw it out when we get home.
• Use sun block on your bald head.
• Or wear a hat.
• Only you can make yourself happy.

Thanks, Dad.