Where's my elephant?

I've had a range of thoughts today. And somehow they all bring me back to the question, "Where's my elephant?"

Of course, I was thinking about one of my favorite questions, "Am I happy/content?" and "What's the difference between the two?" I thought about how much I am going to study for the November exam, which, chances are, I will not pass. And why am I doing it?

I thought about the work that I want to pass on to the New Hire and the Intern. It's grunt-work that I'd rather not be doing.

At happy hour today, I mentioned the "raise-less promotion" that someone received last year. (Since then, he's quit.) And I expressed my desire to turn down anything that would bring me more work with no compensation. Now, I'm not saying that I need more money, but perhaps different work that would expand my knowledge or opportunities to try new things. However, the "raise-less promotion" seems to just be a way to raise my billing rate, which will make my life more difficult and the firm more money. I find it offensive.

When I mentioned this at happy hour, my colleagues looked at me shocked. I'm not sure if they were more shocked that I thought it or that I said it. I also revealed some cynicism by saying, "We're not going to have mid-year reviews. And anyway, Bob's supposed to do mine and I don't think that's going to happen." I know most people share my disdain for Bob, but I'm the only one stupid enough to say anything. Especially because he's become my manager now that Deb has left.

I received a late phone call last night. "Moshi, moshi." Kate said. She then explained that her firm sent her to Tokyo for a few months to work on a case. She's a paralegal. We talked about the nature of work and I don't think she likes her current condition, but she couldn't expand, given that she was calling me from work on her lunch break. I thought it was interesting that Kate called me because this week I was contacted by another friend who happens to be in Japan now. She left a comment earlier this week. She, Laura, claims to be stalking me through blogger. So, the only two people I know in Japan are both tall blond women. I wonder if they ever see each other over the crowds of short, moreno people. Kate invited me to visit in the next few months, but I can't see being able to afford those plane tickets on such short notice. But as I was thinking about it, the thought occurred to me, "Why not? I deserve it."

There were other moments today that I thought about things and experiences that I want. And that I feel I deserve. I'm happy but I'm not content. Where's my elephant?