Rock-tober

I was in a car accident on my way to work today. Yeah, October cannot be over fast enough.

Oops

The AP English teacher was impressed with my knowledge of Literature until I referred to the main characters of Wuthering Heights as Heathcliff and Claire.

Don't you dare tell me that you had a tough week.

Sure, I only had four days of work last week, but they were eventful. We were on the news several times. Sometimes I knew more about what was going on in the school by checking the local news website than by attending staff meetings. (At one staff meeting, the principal attributed the school's problems to "crack babies". I have my own opinion of who's on crack.) I witnessed mobs of kids roaming the school and ignoring any redirection from adults. One student was so out of control that he had to be tased. A news reporter said it was the worst situation he has ever seen in a school on "lockdown". I had a pair of scissors thrown at me in my algebra class. A kid in geometry began class by standing on my desk. (I wrote him up but the assistant principal sent him back to class within minutes having been "counseled".) Four of the school's five administrators were replaced during the week, which while adding uncertainty right now, should move us in the right direction over the long run. I wish I were feeling better about the school's position this week, but I'm still stressed out. I think I'm also still dealing with the emotions of being assaulted and watching the arrest of my students. And I was told today that I have to get through another 3 chapters of geometry before November. Sweet.

So, if you have a story about a client deadline or a broken copy machine, keep it to yourself.

Riverwest Bar

Tonight I was at a bar with gunshots in the windows. It's the bar at which I used to be a regular. I guess things change when I go away. We talked to the bartender and cops. The holes are only a day old - the story is still fresh. The beer was still good, although our favorite bluegrass musicians didn't show up until 11:30. It's a school night!

Congrats?

What do you say to a tenth grader who tells you that the best part of her summer was the birth of her baby boy? I asked her what her favorite geometric shape is.

Barber

Tonight, the night before school starts, I decided to trim my hair so that I will look my best for the beginning of the school year. I have been cutting my own hair for years. It seems silly to pay someone else when it mostly comes down to trimming along the edges. (It still seems strange to me to be losing my hair, even though none of my family members have hair. Except my dad's cousin, who's adopted.) So, I set up a 2nd mirror in my bathroom so that I could check the back of my head. I usually start with the parts that I want the shortest (the bottom) and then work my way up, to the parts that I want longest. Well, I didn't follow my usual pattern. And because I was thinking about school, I forgot to put any extension on the trimmer. I made at least three good swipes at the back of my head before I realized that I was meeting more resistance than expected. And more hair was falling than there should have been. I stopped and saw this in the mirror:
Thank goodness Christie was still awake, because I would have woken her up. She had a tough time fixing my mistake because she was giggling so much.

I spent close to 3 hours today at my school trying to get my room situation sorted out. I was assigned the wrong room accidentally. It's a long story, but I'm supposed to have a room large enough to fit my classes of 40 students. Yes, 40 students. Instead, I have a classroom with enough room for 25 desks. I argued with 3 administrators today about this. They won't switch the rooms. There is nobody in that room. (We haven't hired someone yet, which is another problem.) They tell me it is too much work to make the change. I checked around and the changes will take 20 minutes. I definitely left the school today after telling them that I will be looking to transfer.

Milwaukee has an opening for an epidemiologist. I wish I had the experience to apply for the job.

Prep

School starts next week.

I found out this week that I have been assigned a new class - pre-calculus. Something that I will have to actually prepare for; and they give me a week. This in addition to algebra and geometry. I have so much to do, but instead I am home. You know why? Because they assigned me the wrong room. The principals don't seem to care. And they don't return my phone calls.

Bike Race

My neighborhood is holding a 24 hour bike race this weekend. I have volunteered to check off laps for the racers, but the organizer sent out a notice today asking for more. One specific area he needs is additional tattoo-artists. It's going to be a strange 24 hours.

Summer Song

I don't have a song for the summer of 2009 and this worries me because it's half-way over. By this time last year, there were 2 songs clearly dominating my life. One was American Boy by that girl and Kanye West. As you can see this last an impression on me. The other song was 1-2-3-4 by Feist. I know this song had not come out in 2008 but that was when she did a version of the song for Sesame Street. You know "1, 2, 3, 4. I love counting, counting to the number 4." Then she counts penguins at the front door and chickens on vacation. It's a beautiful song. And I definitely listened to it more than a grown man should.

This summer I'm concerned that my song will end up being Katy Perry's opposite song. I don't know how it's getting so much air time in my life because I'm sure they're not playing it on my public radio stations. It's obviously an attempt to receive an invitation from the Children's Television Workshop and I don't like it.

So, I'm trying to force some other songs. I've heard St. Vincent several times this week, so it is a contender to knock out the Up, Down, In, Out song.



But if you really want to know what makes me happy. It's the following video from Craig Ferguson.



They recently had a contest to determine the best puppet. Viewers were asked to vote on the website. I voted for the monkey though the shark has a special place in my heart too. But guess who one!? That's right - Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. (I checked the spelling of that twice, and I'm not going to do it again. The president of Iran. That's what I'm trying to say.)

My stomach doesn't feel right. I'm not sure if it's due to the orange juice that I drank that was 4 days past its expiration date or the milk that was 2 days past. Who knew that orange juice expires?

Also, since my last post, I ran a marathon. I feel that I'm letting people down because I'm not as excited about it as I should be. Perhaps I'll post about it, but I probably won't. I'm busy enjoying my summer vacation: reading, swimming, napping, grilling, stopping drug deals in front of my house. You know, the usual.

Finals are a Drag

The school year just won't end. Today was the second day of finals. Of the three upper-level classes I teach, I only had 2 students pass my final. I don't say that proudly. It's not a tough final. For example, the have to multiply binomials. Remember FOIL. I hate grading finals too, so I look for every reason to give students a zero. Talking, texting, sharing calculators, walking out of class. I say that I give them a zero as if that's different from the grade they'll receive if I take the time to score their tests. Most of my students scored less than a 40%. One even managed a 6. Seriously. Another question was to calculate 8% sales tax on a $120 pair of jeans. (I did not write this problem, as I would never spend that much on jeans, nor would I shop in a municipality that had such high sales tax. I'm looking at you Chicago.)

Also, one of my students dressed in drag for our final. With wig and heels. I always try to dress comfortibly for big exams. I don't know how he could have been comfortible. But now that I think about class today, I didn't really talk to him. I hope he doesn't think I was ignoring him for his attire. I was too busy dealing with the girls whose shorts were very inappropriate for school. So many clothing issues in just one class!

Evaluation

I didn't say anything when the vice principal sent me an apologetic memo to tell me that she would evaluate me this year.

I didn't say anything when the evaluation happened unannounced 2 weeks after it was due.

I didn't say anything (sarcastic) when the vice principal had to ask me my name when she showed up to evaluate me.

I didn't say anything when she left after 15 minutes of class.

I didn't say anything when she interrupted another class to have my sign the evaluation. She asked me "if I was busy". For the record, yes, I was busy. I was teaching a class.

I didn't say anything when she asked me again which math teacher I am.

However, when my evaluation says that I provide an "effective and deficient physical space" I have to ask, "What does that mean?" What was she trying to say? Did she confuse "deficient" with "efficient"? Everything in the evaluation is positive, although I question whether she's writing about me or the guy across the hall. I don't even know to whom I would bring this up. Except for my peers, so that we can laugh (and cry) at our situation.

Things I Have Confiscated from Shamika* in the Past Month

1. A Roobix Cube - I don't think this is its real name but it was the generic form of the brand name puzzle.

2. Nail clippers - She was clipping her nails during class and the other students found it disgusting.

3. The Watchtower - This is the publication put out by the Jehovah's Witnesses. Not that I was suppressing her religious expression, I just want her to learn about compound interest before she begins questioning me about the afterlife.

4. A Yard Stick - This was placed in her pants and she told me that she could not sit down because she couldn't bend her knees anymore.

5. A Goldfish - In a cup of water. How did that poor goldfish make it all the way to 6th period, I don't know. Did it make it to the end of the day? I don't know that either.

* Names have been changed to protect the innocent - me.

Milestone

Today is my parents' 30th wedding anniversary. To each other. Was I supposed to do something for this? I think it's still too early for their children to throw them parties. I have no plan of doing this until their 50th anniversary. Also, they are currently camping as they do every Memorial Day, so I can't even reach them to wish them a happy day.

Big Weekend

I accomplished quite a lot this weekend.

• I chaperoned prom. I was going to take pictures but then realized that I was only taking pictures so that I could post ridiculous pictures of students on my blog. There is so much to say about my high school's prom, but I only want to mention one thing. Some of the girls did not have enough support in the "cleavledge"* area. The straps of their dresses broke and they spent most of the evening holding up the fabric by hand.
• I ran 18 miles on Saturday. It took more than 3 hours.
• I went on the pub crawl in my neighborhood. The low point of the day was drinking Natural Ice; the high point, eating meatball sandwiches at the Puerto Rican bar down the street to celebrate the owner's daughter's graduation. I also found out that a coworker of mine tends bar 3 blocks from my house. And he'll give me shots of whiskey for free!
  
• I woke up at 4 am with the urge to purge my body of Nattie Ice and Puerto Rican meatballs. I watched episodes of The West Wing instead. Thank goodness the thieves left those.
• I attended church.
• I napped.
• I cut the grass.
• I ran another 3 miles.
• I registered for the neighborhood beer run. 1.8 miles. 4 official beer stops.
  
• I saw Star Trek. Eh, it's ok.
• I looked at a pile of student work and decided not to grade it.
  

*"Cleavledge" is the term that my principal uses to refer to women's breasts.

Bed Bugs

I have not been home for Easter in eight years - since high school. I suppose my mom wanted to relive old times so she put together an Easter basket for me. It included the typical basket stuff - chocolate, jelly beans, refrigerator magnets, chop sticks, and a pillow case. My mom is a quilter and is always sewing something. This year she found some great fabric for a pillow case for my sister. Because she didn't want to treat her children differently from each other, my mom hunted for fabric to make me my own homemade pillow case. She searched and searched and finally settled on ant fabric. I can't imagine what this fabric would be used for.

Happy Mothers' Day

Overheard & Wishing I Did Not Join

(overheard)
Student 1: I don't think he's Jewish.
Student 2: Of course, he's not Jewish! He doesn't have a big nose! Look!
Me: Girls, don't say things like that. That's racist.
S2: Say what? (to the other girl) See, he's not Jewish; he doesn't have a big nose.
Me: Don't say racist things like that.
S2: Racist? We're saying you don't have a big nose.
Me: I know. But when you make sweeping comments about a race of people that's racist.
S2: But Jewish people do have big noses.
Me: No they don't. Not all Jewish people.
S1: So, you're Jewish, but you don't have a big nose.
Me: No. I'm not Jewish, but that doesn't matter. (sigh) You can't say that all Jews have big noses, just like you can't say that all black people have big lips.
S1: You have small lips.
S2: Yeah, your lips are really small.
Me: I think my lips are very nice. They have a nice shape. Wait, we're supposed to be talking about quadratic equations.

Application

I just found out that the school I want to work at never received my job application. I received an application receipt! I hate online applications! They probably already filled the position. I can't stay in my current school for another year. I don't want to deal with (as many) riots next year. I need to grow. I need new experiences. Like bomb threats. And racial gangs.