Tuesday, May 10

fake angry

Do you talk to yourself? I do. Not outloud, but in my head. (And is the proper term "aloud" or "outloud"? What's the difference?)

Sometimes my "conversations" are with people I know and I try to imagine their responses. Let me repeat that I do not talk to my self outloud. Sometimes I tell stories as if I were talking to someone, especially if it's a funny anecdote that I think a particular friend would enjoy.

Today I had a fake conversation with my mom. The topic was ways to respond to her the next time she accuses me of "giving [my] sister a hard time." This is a common complaint of my mom, however, Kelly has not accused me of it - except for when Mom is in the room with her. Mom brought this up in my Mother's Day call home due to a previous call I had made when I had talked to my sister about visiting me sometime. My conversation with Kelly went something like this:

Me: When are you done with finals? Are you going to come and visit me this summer?
Kelly: I don't know. I don't have the money for it.
Me: I think Mom and Dad would help you with a plane ticket.
Kelly: Eh, I don't want to ask and I'm working this summer and I have other things going on too.
Me: Oh.

Of course, this is just paraphrasing and the conversation had stuff before it and after it, but I don't remember badgering her or making Kelly feel uncomfortable. However, Mom says she could tell by the look on Kelly's face that I was "giving her a hard time."

Anyway, back to the fake "conversation" I had with my mom in my head. I was walking down the street while I was thinking this "conversation" and somehow the discussion escaladed into a fight and I could feel myself getting angry. But it was all in my head! So, I changed the subject. And then I felt like a real loser.

What kind of person gets angry over a fake "conversation" in his mind and then changes the subject because it's making him uncomfortable? I think Wisconsin is getting to me. In addition to this realization of possible insanity, the other night I caught myself sprinkling cheese on a perfectly good dinner because I figured "Cheese can only help and bring this dish to the next level." There's something in the water.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have conversations in my head all the time. I often find myself staring off when I am in public because the interchange in my head is so gripping. If I am at home alone or in the car, they are often out loud. The really pathological thing is that sometimes it will be a conversation about a tragic event (that didn't really happen) and I will find myself crying.

So don't feel too bad.

Tom said...

I'm sorry, you said "possible insanity." I'm pretty sure you've passed that "possible" line a while back.

also, what's wrong with cheese? of course it will take any dish to the next level. Chili? check. Salsa? check. Cauliflower? check. this likst goes on my friend, the list goes on.

and I'm pretty sure "aloud" and "out loud" are both ok for everyday use.

-tom

Anonymous said...

from dictionary.com:

"out loud

Audibly, aloud, as in I sometimes find myself reading the paper out loud, or That movie was hilarious; the whole audience was laughing out loud. First recorded in 1821, this synonym for aloud was once criticized as too colloquial for formal writing, but this view is no longer widespread. Moreover, aloud is rarely used with verbs like laugh and cry. Also see for crying out loud"

And you thought you were pathological with your morbid fake conversations. At least you don't feel the need to dissect everyone's grammar and semantics now. That might qualify me more for obsessive compulsive, though.

x kat

Anonymous said...

Yup.....I do it too I have "conversations" with my friend and go through some funny dialogue,Hell Iam doing it right now.