The Dentist

I went to the dentist today for the first time in Wisconsin. I brought all three of my health care cards because I still can't figure out which is which. And it turns out that none of them are for dental care, but somehow the receptionist knew where to call and she figured out my benefits. I then asked her to explain my benefits to me. Being that I've spent the last year working for a firm that values benefits, including dental, this was not a proud moment for me.

My dental experience was different than what I've known in Pennsylvania. First of all, my old dentist had been my mom's when she was a kid. So, we have history. I arrived at my dentist's office all the way out in Waukesha. I filled out some forms, played with a mind puzzler, and read some Humor in Uniform before Sharon called my name.

Sharon brought me to her cubicle where I was to sit and wait for the doctor. They weren't going to clean my teeth today. This was a "get-to-know-me visit". I kept imagining an interview, in which I botch up some simple question and then am denied future treatment. Because really, what did then need to get to know? I have teeth. They have plague. Speaking of plagues, I noticed that Sharon did not have any hanging on her cube's walls. This sort of worried me as even barbers proudly display their credentials.

The office didn't have little examining rooms. All of the hygenists had cubicles. Everyone could hear everyone else's business. As I waited for the doctor I could hear the woman next to me, though I could only see her sneakers. I don't like the idea of my cleaning or filling or any other medical issues being discussed in such an open environment.

Sharon handed me a dixie cup. I gave her a funny look and she told me to drink and then spit out the disinfectant. It was gross and I couldn't help but think that a shot of Jack would be just as effective and much more enjoyable.

The dentist arrived and introduced himself. He told me that he broke his glasses this morning so he couldn't see me too well. I told him that I had water in my ear from swimming so I couldn't actually hear him too well either. I laughed, but I don't think he thought it was funny. He looked at the form I had filled out and said, "So, you're an actuary?" I said, "Yep." The hygenist in the next cube (but it could have been a patient) yelled over, "My nephew's an actuary too! A lot of tests!" The dentist began to tilt my seat back and I got the feeling that the "get-to-know-you" period of the visit was over.

He handed me some dark glasses to wear and explained that it's for the bright light and "just in case something goes flying." What kind of place is this? Just scrape the plague off of my teeth, buddy. Take some x-rays. Give me a drink. Tell me to spit. Lecture me on flossing. And give me a toothbrush. I put on the glasses and felt ridiculous, but incredibly safe. The dentist poked around while giving stats to Sharon: "5mm in the anterior pituitary, slight overbite on teeth 3, 4, and 5, plague in quadrant 4." I had no idea if they were good or bad statements. Or even if they were real.

The dentist left so that Sharon could take my x-rays. But first she had to check that I had not had any x-rays recently. I explained that this was the first time I was using this insurance and that I had not been to a dentist in a year. But she checked anyway and told me I was right, I had no history. Thanks, Sharon.

After the x-rays, I was told by the doctor that my teeth are so good that they could squeeze in a cleaning right then, if I would stay. He called Toni, the hygenist, and she soon came to my cubicle. It turns out that Sharon doesn't have plagues because she doesn't have credentials. Whew, mystery solved.

Toni was very friendly and talked the whole time. I made her laugh a couple of times too. She told me about her invention that she wants to develop but isn't motivated enough see it through. She told me about her friend who had the means to help her design it too. It's a dental tool of some sorts, but Toni wouldn't give me the specifics. I'm not sure if she thought I would steal her dental innovation or if she had just been worried that someone in the next cubicle would overhear. Either way, she was gentle while cleaning my teeth, so I hope if she does develop her project that she doesn't become so rich that she doesn't continue to clean my teeth.